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Reporting from Procrastination Nation

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desk spaceDisclosure: Some of the links below are Amazon affiliate links, meaning if you choose to purchase a copy of the book via Amazon, I will receive a commision from the sale.

Things I should probably be doing today:

  • revising my novel
  • working out

Things I’m doing instead:

  • cleaning out my computer files
  • glancing out the window for the mail truck every five minutes
  • jamming out to Dashboard Confessional
  • window shopping Etsy + Amazon

When I wasn’t busy socializing and spending all of my energy on that, I spent the weekend doing my first read through of You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero, and I loved it. I’m planning on buying myself a copy asap since the one I read was from the library as per usual.

And yet.

Here I am, Monday morning, doing pretty much anything except the two things I feel like I’m supposed to be doing, and I’m not really sure how I feel about that. Do I roll with the punches? Do I try to force myself back on track? Will that just ruin my mood for the rest of the day? Because I know that if I have a bad workout (i.e. do not perform at the unrealistic expectations I have for myself today) then I’ll feel shitty for at least a few hours if not the rest of my day. But I also know that if I don’t try at all I’ll also feel shitty for…not even trying. It’s something of a catch-22 here. A rock and a hard place. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

My current approach is taking my time, trying to do other things that at least make me feel productive–like writing this post–and hoping that I’ll get a burst of motivation later on, or at least be less afraid of whatever comes from trying (a.k.a. failure).

I’m also thinking of rereading the You Are a Badass chapter on procrastination because it never hurts to give yourself a reminder, even if it’s something you just read a day or two ago.

tl;dr: Already my day is not going as planned, but I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about it.

You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero

May 14, 2018
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A Fresh Start + Upcoming Events

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I just spent the last hour or so deleting every old post on this website and all the unnecessary graphics leftover from them. (And maybe a few necessary ones as well by accident.)

It was like a technological spring cleaning.

I lay in bed last night around 11 pm fighting with myself to fall asleep and stop thinking about coming downstairs to my office to delete everything right away, and it was one of the few times I’ve won that kind of fight. Most of the time my sleep schedule is nonexistent, only slightly irregular if I’m lucky. So here I am now, a clean slate on my laptop, typing out this new little hello to the universe.

I’ve been thinking far too much about my relationship with the internet lately; it’s lost the joy and excitement that it had for me when I was in high school. It spiked my anxiety and depression to highs and lows I’d never known before–thanks, Facebook–and it didn’t feel worth it anymore. But we all know it’s something that can’t easily be kicked aside. It’s so much a part of daily lives that it takes only moments to feel left out or for the phantom buzz of a notification to tickle your pocket, only for you to remember, “Oh, wait… I don’t have that app anymore.”

I’m still trying to find a balance between being something of a hermit or a Luddite and remaining involved with the internet because it’s always felt integral to how I connect with others and make new friends. It’s challenging to find that balance, and it’s still tempting to throw it all away and spend my time knitting, gardening, and baking instead, but I don’t think that’s really the answer.

For now, I go into this with the intention of no more “regular features,” no more pressure about photos and graphics–if I want to make and include them, great; if not, fine–and no schedule. I’ll blog when I want and about what I want.

Because I’m getting too old for this popularity contest shit.

upcoming events header
If you’ll be in the Boston area April 21-22, I’ll be tabling at both New Zineland 2018 and the Massachusetts Feminist Zine Fest, along with doing a reading the night before MAFZF.

For more information, check out their pages: New Zineland | MA Feminist Zine Fest

You can also keep up with my events page to know where else I’ll be hocking my wares this year.

April 5, 2018
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